My aunt Tammy had open heart surgery on Wednesday, November 13. It was scheduled. She had been experiencing shortness of breath throughout the entire summer so she felt she should go see the doctor. Through the heart cath, they realized that she had some blocked arteries and an aortic aneurysm. Surgery was scheduled 2-weeks later. I knew it was a major surgery, but I did not realize it would change our whole family. Tammy shielded me from all of the possible risks. I think she shielded most of us from knowing the risks. That was her nature....happy-go-lucky, making sure everyone was doing OK.
The planned 3-hour surgery lasted about 7-hours. It was much worse than the doctors thought. But she survived the surgery and she had a healthy heart beating inside of her. Little did we know that she also experienced several strokes during her surgery.
The first time I saw her after her surgery was 2-days later on Friday. She was sitting up in a chair, asking for something to drink, and responding to questions. She knew her name and her birth date. When asked if she knew where she was, she responded with "Saturday Night Live." She told me she was the host. That made me laugh...she always enjoyed that show. Now, I know that should have been one of our first signs that something was not right. Her confusion about being at Saturday Night Live, instead of at Riverside Hospital, may have been due to the swelling in her brain.
Three days later, as I was making Kamden his lunch, my mom called me to tell me that Tammy was being moved to ICU. She was having trouble breathing, and was being put on a ventilator. I sat in the mud room crying, asking my mom if she was going to be OK, while trying to shield my 4-year old son from my emotions. I packed the kids up and took them to my in-laws. Shaking the whole way, I drove to Riverside Hospital...not knowing what to expect, but knowing I wanted to be there to see her and to be with my grandma and uncle.
That was November 18...a week and a half before Thanksgiving...about the time that Tammy thought she'd be going home to recuperate.
The day before Thanksgiving I got another call from my mom, asking me to come to the hospital. Again, I drove to the hospital shaking, not knowing what was going on. Sitting in the waiting room were my mom, grandma, and uncle with tears in their eyes. Scott got the vibe from the doctors that she may never be able to get off the ventilator, and, if she did, they were not sure what the future really looked like for Tammy. My mom wanted us all to be there because this was the first time that Scott had really broken down in front of all us, and she needed Heather and I there. We all agreed that Tammy would not want to live on a machine for the rest of her life, but we were not ready to give up on her!
There were a lot of ups and downs for the next month. She would try to talk to us, but couldn't with the ventilator. Even after they took the ventilator off, she would try to talk but no sound would come out. Tammy was always one who read lips since she had a hearing loss. But, unfortunately, she never taught us to read lips. So it was difficult to try to figure out what she was saying to us. She also was having trouble seeing. Her eyes were swollen, and not tracking. So when we tried to get her to write, she would just scribble letters on top of each other instead of moving them along the page. I am sure she was frustrated! I wish I knew what she was trying to tell us! She was on and off the ventilator...but mostly on. Eventually, they put a traech in and put a port in her belly for food. This prevented her from aspirating (which she had done at least twice). She could not swallow anything. She experienced a couple bouts of pneumonia. On the positve side, she also had some physical therapy, and even stood up with the help of the therapists!
A couple days before we welcomed in 2014, Tammy was finally stable enough to get out of ICU and be moved to Select Specialty Hospital. They are known for weaning patients off the ventilator and rehab. The first two weeks of the year went very slow in regards to progress with Tammy. We felt they were not doing much to rehab her. But she was too sick to have rehab. She wasn't strong enough to begin the weaning process or to do any type of therapy.
Then, one day while Grandma and I were there, the nurse agreed with us that they needed to re-evaluate her. They were ready to start some therapy. Tammy was beginning the weaning process, and was even able to stay off the ventilator all day (though on those days she slept most of the day because breathing on her own was tiring). The therapists had her sitting up and even standing up (with help) on occasion. She was putting on her glasses when prompted. And she started moving her left arm, which hadn't moved since early December. But then the weaning process digressed. She was having more and more trouble breathing. Everyone was convinced that she was not going to be strong enough to live without a ventilator. And the hardest decision was made...to let nature take its course.
Tammy Lynn (Moore) Mallasee, my aunt who loved to be with family and give hugs, died just after midnight on Sunday, February 2, 2014, after being off the ventilator for about an hour. She spent all day on Saturday, staying awake and "visiting" with friends and family. It was like she knew that was going to be her last day, and she was going to make the most of it. Everyone was there to see her, and she wasn't going to miss a minute of it! That is so like her...always wanting to be a part of the party!
I feared telling Kamden about Tammy dying. I was not prepared to tell my 4-year old that Aunt Tammy would no longer be able to play pool with him or to watch his new swimming tricks. Justin handled it so well. I am so glad he has been by my side throughout this whole ordeal. Even a month later, Kamden will still ask a question out of the blue about Tammy. I know he thinks about her just as much as I do.
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| This picture was taken the day before her surgery. |
I do not go a day without thinking about Tammy. We used to limit her to 3 hugs a day when we saw her (just as a little joke). But now I wish for those hugs! I miss her! And I will not limit anyone to just 3 hugs a day!
